Help! My Mom Won’t Stop Micromanaging My Move!

Americans are living with their parents for longer than ever before – the national data reveals that many people stay at home until they’re almost 30 – but there does come a point when it’s time to move into your own place. The most common reason people move is to pursue a new career or educational opportunity; many people move to join their romantic partners as well. Whatever prompted your impending move, it can be hard for your parents to adjust to the new reality that you won’t be living with them anymore. This adjustment can lead to parents wanting to micromanage the entire moving process.

That was certainly the case with Julia. Although the 28-year-old New Yorker was doing very well for herself, including getting a dream job right out of law school, her parents felt sure she wasn’t capable of handling the logistics of a move. “This was especially true for my Mom,” Julia said. “She’d text me 12 times a day: do you have enough boxes? Do the movers know your new place is on the fourth floor? Are there lights in your new place?” Julia laughed. “I don’t know what she’s thinking – I wasn’t going to rent a place that had no lights!”

Julia’s not alone. In the thirty years we’ve been helping family moves, we’ve learned that they dynamics between parents and adult children who are moving into their own home can be difficult. A little understanding and clear communication – from both sides! – can help make the process easier. In this article, we’ll talk about what adult children can do to help their parents adjust, and prevent parents from attempting to micromanage the big move. Next week, we’ll be approaching this issue from the parent’s point of view.

Why Do Parents Attempt To Micromanage Their Adult Children’s Moves?

Parents who attempt to micromanage their adult child’s move may be doing so out of a sense of anxiety. They know that arranging a move – particularly a long distance move  – can be complicated, and want to help you avoid making any costly mistakes. There’s also emotional considerations to take into account: the fact that an adult child is moving out is a major transition, and a parent may cope with this by focusing on what they can control – moving box and packing tape supply – rather than what they can’t: the fact that life is changing in a very big way.

Helping Your Parents Let Go: Communication Tips that Help

Projecting a sense of calm confidence is key to helping your move go smoothly. Your parents may be in a place where they’re thinking of you when you were younger, but you’re a grown adult with all kinds of professional and personal skills. Put those on display by letting your parents know your timeline and how you’re managing the project, including the moving company you’ve chosen to pack and move your things.

One of the best reasons to work with a professional moving company is the process is faster and far less personal than having your family help you move. Having your Mom break down in tears over packing your childhood teddy bear into a box isn’t fun for her or you. The professional movers aren’t going to get misty over Mr. Bear – but they will make sure he makes it to your new place safely.

Acknowledge What’s Going On

Having a frank conversation about what’s going on can be tremendously helpful. “I wound up saying, “Mom, I know you’re worried but I need you to trust that I’ve got this,” Julia said. “I showed her pictures of my new place, including the light fixtures, and gave her something to focus her energy on: helping me make sure all the change of address forms for my insurance, driver’s license, and so on were taken care of. Because we worked together on this, it seemed like it was easier for her to relax a little bit.”