Helping Your Adult Child Move Out: Tips for Parents

For some parents, the news that their adult child is moving into a place of their own is a welcome relief. Other parents may find it hard to let go. No matter how you feel about the move, you want to maintain a good relationship with your children. With that in mind, here are some do’s and don’ts of helping your adult child move out:

Don’t: Volunteer to do all the work for them.

Moving is a big job, with complicated logistics. It’s tempting to leap into action and take over the job yourself, but it’s important to let your kid do this for themselves. This is especially true when it comes to packing possessions. Think about it: would you want your parents going through your dresser drawers and commenting on what they found? Your kids don’t either.

Do: Help your child find information about moving services.

There are a lot of moving companies out there, and some of them are pretty shady. Help your child avoid getting ripped off by providing pointers on how to research a moving company. Doing online research, checking with the Better Business Bureaus, reading contracts, and asking for referrals are all useful skills your child will need throughout their life.

Don’t: Forget your child is actually a competent adult.

When you first met your child, they were a tiny, fragile, vulnerable being. It can be hard to let go of that first impression, but time has gone by, and your child has become an adult. Give them credit for having the skills they use in their job and personal life every day. They organize and execute plans in other areas of their life: they can handle a move.

Do: Help with the moving tasks your child is willing to accept help with.

Your child may not want you to pack their things, but be totally okay with the idea of having you help load boxes into a moving truck. Or your child may be fine with packing assistance, but prefer to have you be totally hands off once the movers arrive. Let your child take the lead here: providing the help they ask for is fine – micromanaging is not.

Don’t: Miss out on special moments.

Taking the time for a special dinner or an evening together as a family before your older child moves into their new place is a good idea. Every family is different, so do what makes sense for your family – this could be a low-key evening in together or a celebratory meal at a favorite restaurant. Take lots of pictures and share lots of laughs.

Do: Make sure to visit your kid – eventually!

Let your child get settled into their new life at their new place before springing a visit on them. Keeping in touch is important. Keep the channels of communication open and ask what would work with your child’s schedule. If they’re in a new role at a new job, it may be a little while before they have free time for a visit. Be understanding and flexible and plan a short visit to see how they’re doing three to six months after they’ve moved.